Lessons

This week was an eventful one.


It's funny how much I learnt in 7 days. Needless to say, the things I learnt will probably stick with me for a very very long time.


On Monday, I really looked around my class for the first time. I saw every bit of it. I saw the twins making faces to each other. I saw the monitor struggle to finish her maths work. The Malay gang were laughing about something. Soo-soo was busy trying to rape someone.


I realised how much I'm gonna miss my classmates next year, when they're all in one class, and I'm in another. 

You see, when I grow up, I wanna be a writer. I made a promise to myself in the beginning of the year. I promised myself that no matter what, even if Allah had blessed me with straight A's for PMR, I'd choose Art stream. Even if I'd be the only one from my class not going for Science stream next year.

So yeah, I just had one of those random moments when you just take everything in, when you suddenly realise that 'Wow, this is my life. I am happy. This is great.' In that moment, everything was just so beautifully sad, I was just so thankful to God for blessing me these three years with these wonderful people. It might be just me over thinking like I usually do, but that one small moment just struck me and stayed. So lesson one kids; appreciate the people you have right now. Because who knows if they'll be around forever. Life is short, people get separated, forevers get cut short. So appreciate who and what you have today, before you have to say goodbye. :)

Sigh.

On Tuesday, after I forced myself out of bed, I dragged myself to school. It was a slow day and nothing much happened until English period.

Then life lesson number two hit me like a train on a track.

I must admit, I'm a procrastinator. Like right now, as I type this up, I'm actually distracting myself from my Maths revision. I'm very very very malas. It's just who I am, I've tried to break the habit, but it's I-M-P-O-S-S-I-B-L-E. So as my classmates expected, I didn't do my English aural.

But being the caring people they are, they shouted out suggestions as soon as the teacher called my name and I stood up and walked to my impending doom.

"TALK ABOUT YOUR FAMILY, CRAP SOMETHING AMIRAH, IT'S 15 FRIGGIN MARKS"
"Just go, gooo! Go!"
"Talk about yourself je, siapa suruh tak buat the aural! She gave us two weeks!"

Madam Kuan gave me an expectant look. I assure you, that woman knows things. She's adorable and sweet and kind and she knows thiiiiings.

She so knew that I didn't do my work. But being the lovely angel that she was, she told me that it was okay, that I could take it slow.

So I did. I was actually considering talking about my family, when suddenly my mouth spoke of it's own accord.

"Today, I'm going to be talking about covers."

Madam Kuan was surprised. I was surprised. But my mouth seemed to know what it was doing, so I just went on with it.

"Covers are uh, I define covers as the layers of protection, or the walls people put up to shield themselves from hurt. Covers are neither physical or spiritual. They are abstract, they are never really there. They are a constant, they are always there. They are complicated, they are a human weakness. They are so many things, but in the end, it is always the same. A cover is used to hide a part of yourself from the world."

At this point of my bullshitting, Madam Kuan began to smile. I think she knew what I was doing, what I was trying to explain. But then again, the woman knew things. So instead of calling me out on my crap, she nodded her head and urged me to continue.

"Uh, well, uhm. In this materialistic world that we live in now, first impressions count. But sometimes, even first impresions can be choreographed, even that accidental slip could be intended to leave people thinking a certain way."

Madam Kuan laughed.

She actually laughed.

I need to make sure she gets a damn good bouquet of roses for Teacher's day.

"...and all of this faking, this pretending, is because of the covers we hide behind. So, we should not judge people by what they seem to be. I have a friend who comes up to me smiling, squealing 'Amirah, want some candy?'. She seems like the happiest person on Earth until she starts talking about what happens at home. Her parents beat her. They hit her for being a 'naughty girl', when she doesn't study as much as they want her too. And yet, she comes to school with the biggest smile on her  face."

Deep breath.

Inhale,
Exhale.

Breathe.

"So at the end of the day, no matter the reason for your cover, tear it down. You may say that you're hiding yourself to protect people, because you don't want them to get hurt as well. But at the end of the day, you'll only end up hurting yourself. So wear your heart on your sleeve and live life honestly."

Madam Kuan scribbled something in that little book of hers and smiled.

"That was very good. You get 14 out of 15. Try to remember and put what you just said onto paper, okay?"

I told you she knew that I was screwed.

So lesson number two is the speech stated above. Oh, and don't be like me, don't procrastinate. Cause you're very very screwed if you don't finish your assignments, trust me.

And Wednesday.

Oh my dear god, Wednesday.

Wednesday was the day of admittance. On Wednesday, I told her that I liked him. I told her, then dissolved into a big crying mess. It was horrible.

I felt horrible.

But because she is the love of my life, she said "Sok's Amirah, sok's" and followed me to the bathroom to wash my face. I was just so glad I finally managed to tell her the truth. I'm so glad that she knows.

So lesson number three is never keep secrets from your friends. I did, and it was shit. When I finally admitted the truth, she said she wouldn't even mind the fact that I liked him even if I'd told her back when they were a 'thing.' She just wishes she wasn't the last to know.

Trust me, it feels great to not have that secret between us anymore.

You should feel this great too. You deserve it. The only way to get there is by being completely, whole-heartedly honest from now on. Okay? :3

...Thursday.

Thursday was awkward day.

Thursday was when someone tapped me on the back while I was enjoying my chicken in the canteen and asked, "Is anyone sitting here?"

Thursday was the day when I said, "No, go ahead", before I realised who poised the question.

Thursday was the day she stared at me and squealed, "ARE YOU AMIRAH QISTINA?"

Thursday, was the day I had to sit down and eat with the elder sister of a boy that everyone keeps telling me has a crush on me. The elder sister of a boy I had just decided was uh, kinda sorta boring.

I bet she thought I liked him.

I bet that's why she stared at me and then shook her head and smiled.

I bet that's why her friends started talking about her bro really loudly in awkwardly fake secret voices.

I high tailed it out of there.

Lesson number four is just stay out of it. Just stay away from the large web that is rumours and gossip and you'll hopefully avoid awkward lunches with sisters that strongly believe you cannot get enough of their little brothers.

And Friday was the day I realised that no matter how hard you work, no matter how good something is, if it wasn't meant to be, it's not going to happen. I also realised that Darsh makes a hot boy. And that Soo-soo needs to control her sexual impulses. And that I should not dress in all black and wear a thick hijab unless I want to be called out and told to 'Go back to Saudi Arabia lah Amirah!" repeatedly.

Friday was the day that the unbelievable happened.

I have to study soon. Those damn midterms are coming up.

Ah well, it was an eventful week.

I deserve a break, don't I? :)